that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
