How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
