I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
