I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
