TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
