i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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