I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
