Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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