Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
