Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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