I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
