drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
