Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize