If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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