I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize