Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
