There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
