how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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