Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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