I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
