Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
