The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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