that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
