She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
