Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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