she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
