so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
