He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
