i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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