So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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