All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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