You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
only if we run a train.
done.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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