Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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