whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
