if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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