After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I stole a fireplace last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
