is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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