She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
