i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
