you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize