I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
