...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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