UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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