So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
