Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
