My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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