i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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