You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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