four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
