No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
