oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we're making bets on your personal life
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
