Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
