That's when you crack a 10am beer
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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