i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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