Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
