Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
