We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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