This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
