Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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