Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
