the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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