Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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