Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize