John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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