Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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