U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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