Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I looked at my own cervix.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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