Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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