So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
