I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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