Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
