Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
