I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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