I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
