I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
