I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
