bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize