I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
