just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
