The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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