i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
