I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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