Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
