That's intense
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
