Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
