Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
