And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
