No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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