I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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