Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
