Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
